Once upon a time, I forgot to charge my cell phone. It was a busy day, naturally, since cell phone batteries are intuitive and only die on days that you have a lot to do. I went to visit one of the accessory kiosks in the mall, frantically trying to buy a car charger. Aziz, the kiosk clerk, would not only give me a car charger, but a good story as well. This is that story.
Me: Hi, I need to buy a car charger for my phone.
Aziz: I have.
Me: Excellent! Thank you so much.
Aziz: There you go. (he hands me a phone battery)
Me: No, not a battery. I would like a charger.
Aziz: This will charge phone.
Me: Yes, but I want something that I can plug in. To my car.
Aziz: This is battery.
Me: I already have a battery.
Aziz: But it no work.
You have to agree with his logic. Yes, I could have bought a new battery, but it was the principle of the thing. I’m stubborn and I want what I want. I wanted Aziz to give me a charger.
Me: My battery will work once I charge it. I would like to buy a charger.
Aziz: Ah, okie dokie. (unlocks kiosk display case) There you go. (hands me a wall charger)
Me: I hate to be picky, but I need a car charger.
Aziz: Yes. Is car charger.
Me: This is a wall charger.
Aziz: Yes. Is charger for phone.
Me: Yes, it is a charger, but not the one I need. I need one for my car.
Aziz: I give you charger. Okie dokie?
Me: (pantomimes driving)
Aziz: Ahhhh…(rummages through kiosk drawer and pulls out a car charger)
Me: Thank you! This is perfect. (smiles encouragingly)
Aziz: Sixteen dollars. Okie dokie?
Me: Okie dokie. Debit, please.
Aziz: No! (gasps and takes a step back) For that, you must go to the Holy Land.
Aziz: For to pay, you must first go to the Holy Land.
Me: Um…here’s my debit card.
Aziz: Please to pay cash.
Me: I don’t have any cash, just my card.
Aziz: Ah, then you must go to the Holy Land. I keep charger safe until you return. Goodbye.
Me: I’m really lost here. What are we talking about?
Aziz: You go to Holy Land. I would take you myself, but I must stay here. Thieves, you understand…
Me: I wish.
Aziz: You will walk toward the Macy’s and you will find it.
Me: …find what?
Aziz: The Holy Land you seek.
Me: Hmm. Okie dokie.
So, I walked towards the Macy’s, and lo and behold, I did find the Holy Land which I sought! As it turns out, The Holy Land is more than a place of pilgrimage in the middle east; it is also the name of a kiosk that sells salts from the Dead Sea and oils presumably imported from Israel. They are the only kiosk in the mall currently outfitted to process debit or credit card payments, so in order to purchase something electronically, one must first visit the Holy Land. Ironic? I think not. Hilarious? Absolutely.