I was blessed in life with a singularly fantastic childhood, with one drastic exception. You see, I was not allowed to have yummy cereals that were bright, colorful, sugary, marshmallowy, chocolatey, fruity, gooey, frosty, sticky or – how shall I phrase this? – tasty in any way. This mandate pretty well limited my cereal intake to plain Shredded Wheat, Cheerios or Alpha-Bits, which were just like Cheerios but shaped like all letters of the alphabet, not just ‘o’s, and seem to no longer exist. I was also permitted to eat Rice Krispies, but without marshmallow goo holding them together, eating them was just too much work for too little pleasure. The ‘snap, krackle, pop’ mantra only happened if you put them in milk, which I don’t believe in using on cereal.
That’s right, I said it. I don’t believe in milk on my cereal…or anything else for that matter. Milk is merely an ingredient used to achieve other greatnesses, such as ice creams, cheeses and chocolate. In its grocery store form of undiluted cow’s mucus, milk shall never touch my cereal nor my lips.
That said, when I reached adulthood, I started at one end of the cereal aisle and worked my way all the way to the other; no small feat. Favorites include Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Golden Grahams, Honey O’s and Honey Bunches of Oats, with or without almonds. Since most of the General Mills cereals come fortified, and since I typically eat them as snacks out of sandwich bags while I’m at work, even the bad ones aren’t tragically unhealthy. Arguably, the most healthy choice listed is Honey Bunches of Oats, which has become a routine favorite in my household, mostly because Vann will eat them as well. I guess what makes them so good is that they walk the line between ‘adult’ cereal with healthy corn flakes and almonds and ‘kid’ cereal with the honey roasting and the bunches – oh, the bunches! those delectable bunches – making it a perfect compromise for the two of us.
Well guess what, America! Introducing JUST BUNCHES cereal, from the same fine folks who brought you Honey Bunches of Oats. You read that correctly, JUST BUNCHES is exactly what the name implies. Sweet, granola-like bunches dipped in honey to make them perfectly sweet, salty and crunchy all at the same time. Who could ask for anything more from a cereal? They make a delectable snack for the dance teacher on the go, but I feel that they may have other uses as well. So far I have had them solo, a la mode, a la yogurt, and as a crunchy addition to my apple pie filling. I feel that this cereal’s limits may know no bounds.
In conclusion, I encourage all lovers of cereals, granola and snacks to experiment with this newfangled delicacy. Please remember to report back to me with your findings. I thank you.